CT scans and Radiation

Good news! Nothing has changed on my scans....Im still all clear! :) I have some fluid built up around my excission( sp?) site where I had my surgery. The Dr. said this is common, but I will have an appointment with Dr. Rosenthal to figure out what to do about it. Im not sure really anything will need to be done or not.
I went to my first radiaology treatment today....it took about 15 minutes and I was on my way.
( 1 down..29 more to go! )  I rewarded myself by spending the day with a dear friend and her sweet babies. I had a great day!

Follow up

Tomorrow I go in for my follow up CT scan and MRI of my chest, abdomen and pelvic area. I am trying to look at it as just a formality. But, tonight I told Joslyn I had to go have my scans tomorrow, and she said, " I hope it's all okay, Mom."  UGh....I'm sure it is, but I am a little nervous. I keep thinking about the day I went to my general surgeon's office for my post op visit thinking it was "just a formality" and then getting the news that it was cancer. I would appreciate positive thoughts and prayers that my scans are STILL CLEAR. As soon as I know the results, I will post them. :)  Thanks to the continued support of family and friends, I am feeling stronger everyday and finally getting some "normalcy" back in my life and it feels good!!!!
Love, Love.
Gina

update 9-26-2011

Yesterday I spent the day getting over the wicked FLU BUG! It's no wonder I feel like I am catching everything that is going around lately, my WBC has been very low... but I am hoping I'm over the hump!My counts should go up from here.
Last week my hemoglobin(sp) was borderline for a possible blood transfusion, thank goodness that was up this week and a transfusion was not necessary! :) as those numbers go up....I will feel stronger and have more energy!!!
The good news is My chemo Dr. said checked out great today and cleared me to start radiation! I'm happy about that because I am ready to start this new chapter and start feeling better. I have my planning session tomorrow and will hopefully start radiation next week ( It seems like I have been saying that forever.....come on already!!!)
 I have my follow up CT scan on my chest, abdomen and pelvic area next week to make sure I am still " all clear." so I appreciate prayers for a clear scan! I will have scans every 4months from here. Im sure that will prove to be a scary time for my family and I when I have to do that, but the longer I go with good news, the easier it will get.
Ya know, of all of the BAD things that my family and I have been through with this cancer, we are finally starting to be able to look back on all of this and realize this has given us such a different perspective on life, has brought us closer together, made us appreciate every moment I feel good, and has shown us what a HUGE support system we have in our family and friends.( The number of prayer lists I am on, and just the shear number of people I have praying for me..has proven to work in my favor!) SO THANK YOU!!! JD and I both feel overwhelmed by the kindness you have shown us and will continue to pay it forward!
Love, Love.
Gina

The Downhill Slope

I feel like I'm on the downhill slope from here....
My blood work today showed that alot of my counts were low, but the one to be most concerned about is my hemoglobin (sp). The nurse said I was" borderline" for needing a blood transfusion. SO....I am hoping with more rest this week, my body will make the red blood cells it needs to bring that up so I wont have to do that. :) There isn't a whole lot I can do about that except rest when I get fatigued. I had a great day today and got out more than I have been in the past three weeks ( besides my trips to chemo treatments) and I was even able to make it to one of Joslyn's cross country meets! I enjoyed that so much! She had a great race! This week I need to really rest up so I can make it to her softball games. I'm happy today- I feel like every little thing I get to do just makes me that much happier. I admit that I have had some sad moments the past couple of weeks, but I'm working on keeping a positive outlook. I've finally shed some tears over the loss of my hair. I think its a little odd that I didnt cry about losing it until its time for it to start growing back,a little backwards, I know. But, I think I am just realizing that its going to take a long time to get my hair back the way it was.  The nice thing is, JD always lets me cry about things I feel like crying about so he let me cry and feel sorry for myself for a little while....then as always, he gave me some good advice. So my goal is to not dwell over the things I don't have control over ( like how long it takes to grow my hair out) but to focus on the things I can control and work on those. :) Good advice hu!? So that's the plan!

On the 26th, I see Dr. Myron ( My Chemo Dr. ) I think he will tell us when my next scan will be, but Im not really sure what else. I have to wait three weeks after my last chemo session before I can start radiation. On Sept. 27th I have my planning session and should start radiation the next week ( 1st week in October I think). I know I am rushing everything....but I am ready to get radiation started. I just feel like the sooner I start that part of my treatment, the sooner I can get on with my life.

Bye Bye Pick Line!

Yesterday I was so happy to get rid of my pickline! I still hadn't been feeling much like celebrating my last week of chemo....or any of the great stuff that comes with it the last few days. I had a hard last few days and last night was full of alot of emotions. Thank goodness for JD, who was there with lots of hugs and encouragement. I get down because I feel like to world is moving on without me as I recover and try to regain my strength....well, in a way, it is but that doesn't mean people have forgotten than I am going through this, and the support continues to flow.....I just spend 20 wonderful minutes sitting on my front step ( after getting the mail- a big deal for me!) reading cards from friends who are just reminding me that life will be back to normal soon and that they are thinking of me! One of my friends called today. just to talk....and that was nice too! Today is really the first day I have felt like talking at all. I got up this morning and took a real shower. ( without wrapping my pick line arm in plastic wrap!) and washed my head with conditioner.:) aaahhhhh
So The past week or two I have taken a few pictures here and there and thought Id share....Im on the way to feeling better and will continue to feel better and stronger each day! Im looking forward to "being there" for my kids in the evening and working a little bit around my house. I know I cant do too much too fast ( per JD and Doctors) but I'll be happy just to feel like lifting my head up off my pillow every day! :) Here's some fun pics!!!!

My LAST WEEK of chemo!

Finally! Tomorrow begins my last week of chemo! I'm excited but nervous that this week will be hard. Since today was Labor Day....they will start me tomorrow, and "concentrate" the drugs so I will get the correct amount. That sounded good to me at first, but then I started thinking....concentrating the drugs to fit them into 4 days instead of 5??? on second thought...that sounds like its gonna suck! :) But....JD reminded me that I have been through 10 whole days of chemo....I can get through 4 more! After all, I STILL have the best support system...and wonderful friends and family who continue to be there for me! So....here we go! My last week....then they will wait three weeks to start radiation. I have an appointment on Sept. 27th for my planning session for radiation, and then we will get started! The nurse at Menorah told me that radiation will be nothing like chemo. I will have some discomfort in my hip area where they will do the radiation, and I will experience some fatigue. I worry when they say that....because before chemo, I thought I knew what fatigue was...Um, I was wrong! BUT, she did promise me that the fatigue I will feel from radiation will not be as bad as it is with chemo. That sounds a little more promising!
Although I am ready to go back to work and meet my class, and see my friends....I am worried about going back before I am ready physically and mentally after this ordeal. Even two weeks after chemo I am able to get out during the day and do fun things, those times are short lived and I am usually down for the rest of the afternoon and evening. So...I have to be sure I take enough time to recuperate and rest so I am 100% when I go back! I cant wait for that day! :)
Thanks for reading!!! I will do my best this week to update my blog...they might be short and sweet, but i will try! Thanks so much for reading!
Love. love,
Gina

The Weekend

Well good grief! This weekend was nothing like I had planned. Friday night was my 37th birthday. I had plans to go to breakfast with friends ( which i enjoyed) to take lunch to friends at school in my grade level ( Loved it!....but wasn't feeling well at all!) Then I was hoped to enjoy a date with my husband. We did go to dinner at one of my favorite places to eat! ( BD's Mongolian BBQ) but I just couldn't make it to the movies. :( Earlier that day I had started coughing so hard I couldnt breathe. I was losing my voice, and my energy level was plummeting! so we came home watched TVin bed ( party ON!) Thank goodness my husband is okay with whatever we do....he didn't get any sleep the night before either since I was up coughing the nite before!
By Saturday morning i was so sick i could barely speak and my Temp was rising. When you are going through chemo anything above 100.5 is concerning. Every time I took mine it was higher and higher. I'm not sure what i was waiting for...but by the time it got to 101.9, I decided it was time to call the Dr. on call. He sent me to the ER concerned that my WBC count was too low. So....we headed to Menorah about 7:00pm. They did chest x rays and blood work. My blood work

The weekend continued....

for some reason.....my last entry posted before I was done....

my blood work came back normal....and my chest x ray was clear ( thank goodness) so they gave me a breathing treatment, and some meds to open up my bronchial tubes. ( They said I have a bronchial virus, which i probably got because my immune system is compromised). So now that i am literally on 8 prescription drugs plus an inhaler. I'm starting to feel better. Today is Sunday and i slept all day. I woke up a few times drenched in sweat to use the restroom, and eat....but otherwise, I haven't left this bed! I am supposed to go in for blood work at KCCC tomorrow, so i will call in the morning to see if i should see Dr. Myron. My Temp is still running around 100.9 which is still too high. I am on an antibiotic....so my fever should be going down. I am just hoping i don't have another infection somewhere else. ( meaning maybe its not JUST the bronchial virus that is causing issues!)
Thank you for reading....one more week off of chemo!! THEN....( drum roll please) THIS PART OF MY TREATMENT will be behind me!!!
Love. Love,
Gina

Happy Hump Day

It's Wednesday! I am feeling so much better ( by 2pm today....I wont be worth much!) but it feels good to at least feel good for a little while today! I got up and had breakfast with Taylor and braided her hair....I was glad I got to spend that time with her this morning. Usually I dont feel like doing anything bu laying in bed occationally checking on her to make sure she is getting ready for school.
Thank goodness my kids are independent! I dont know what a young mother who has little ones whould do. They would have to have a fairy Godmother....I have more support than I can ever imagine, and I truly dont know how people get through this with little support or small kids to take care of.

Monday I went to get my blood work done. I have to admit, although I love the nurses at KCCC, when I have to go there on my off weeks, I have anxiety about being there. It more like a sick at my stomach feeling. But, the good news is my counts are up and as long as they stay up....Im doing well and when I feel good, I can get out and about once in a while. Im looking SO forward to having breakfast with my friends before they go to work on Friday morning! I miss being with them so much!

Thanks for reading and checking in on me. Things are looking up! Only one more week of chemo to go ( first week in september) and then I begin radiation soon after that! I am hoping to get about half of my radiation treatments done before I go back to work.....( Thats the plan anyway)

Warning: I need to Vent

DISCLAIMER #2
To those of you looking for an enlightening, inspirational message this evening...might not find this post to be what you are looking for.
I woke up this morning once again with false hopes that I would feel good and be ready to at least lift my head up off the pillow for more than 20 to 30 minutes at a time! I was able to eat a good lunch....and then thought I might feel like getting out for a short car ride. That Failed. :(
I have been having a pity party today because JD's 20th high school reunion is tonight and I so wanted to go with him. Not only that, but he wouldn't go without me because I'm sick. I wanted to him to be able to see and reconnect with some old classmates and just have fun tonight. It's such a nice night out....and I hate that if it wasn't for THIS we would be getting ready to go out for a fun night together! So I'm feeling a little resentful! I thought getting out and taking a drive might help pass the time and make me feel better....all that did was make me feel sick.

I'm mad at myself for being the sick one. For not being able to do something fun with my girls this weekend, for being the party pooper that keeps JD from his reunion, and maybe theres a little self pity there for me too because its Saturday night, and I like to have fun ( its been a while and I miss my FUN self)

I'm just tired mainly....tired of looking in the mirror at sad, sick eyes...tired of feeling like I can smell the chemo meds on my skin, or when i cough,  tired of feeling like every movement I make will make me sick, my skin and bones hurt and I'm tired of being tired. so there.

 I know that I will feel better in a few days...I just haven't felt like being positive today. I remember how last time I cried for two days after treatments, so this too shall pass.I just give up on trying to control how I feel at any given moment. I don't want to be a big baby, so I am done whining. Today just isn't a good day...tomorrow I will be stronger and more positive...I promise :)

Sucky Mc Suck Suck

So yesterday and today were sucky....Im feeling sick and beyong exhausted. Those who know me well know I must be exrememely tired if I am having a hard time keeping my eyes open to text or email.
BUT, the good news is  tomorrow is my last day of chemo for two weeks! ( Then, only ONE MORE ROUND!) Im curious when I will start radiation. I am hoping to RIGHT AFTER my chemo treatments so I can get a few sessions in before I return to school. I have a lot to look forward to...I cant wait to get to school with my new class, my great friends, and our rescheduled family summer vacation in Decemeber. Its amazing that because of all of the support I have from fmily and friends...all I have to focus on is getting better. I am so blessed and so happy Im half way done. I just want my life back. I know it willl be here sooner than I think.....
Love, Love.
Gina

9 more days

6 down...9 to go! Today was a "good" day....it was sad for me because I wanted to be starting the school year with my cle family so bad! I got so many nice messages from friends today letting me know they were missing me, that helped!!
It was a long day....I was at KCCC from 8:30 to 4:00....so basically, an entire work day :) I slept some, and had good company, so it wasnt all bad. I'm tired and a little loopy tonight, but Im keeping up on my nausea meds....( they are my friend) I feel pretty good but I glanced in the mirror a while ago and I can tell you, I look worse than I feel! It doesnt help that I am hooked up to one of my chemo drugs AND 24hour fluids that require a pump and a big bag that I carry around on my shoulder for 4 days. Its not pretty, and I look like I am packing to go somewhere everytime I get up off the couch. I noticed last time that my eyes start to look tired even after the first day. THe thing I hate the worst is when I start to notice my eyes "look like nobody's home!" Its a weird way to describe it, but I dont feel like I look like me...I dont really like that. The good thing is that I noticed on my off week, that "look" goes away and I start to look like myself again ( minus the hair). So, I plan to push through this week and then I have two more weeks off where I can start to feel a little bit better and focus on the girls and the beginning of school. :)
THanks for reading,
Love. Love,
Gina

Here We Go Again!

Sunday evening....While all of my friends are having anxiety about the new school year, I am frantically getting ready for my next round of chemo tomorrow. I wish I didnt obsess so much about it. I dont think its the chemo itself that I am obsessed about, its more the anticipation of things I wont feel like doing. I am nervous about the girls and JD going back to work and school and me not being well enough to help take care of things in the evenings. I know we have alot of help and support, I  just always pride myself on being that mom that makes sure the girls have completed their homework, are organized and ready to go the next day. They are old enough, and very capeable of doing it themselves...I just have to let go of that for a while. If something doesnt get done....life as we know it will go on! :) Tomorrow marks the beginning of my 2nd round which will bring us that much closer to the end of this. So, here we go again! :) Thanks for reading!

Getting ready for my second round!

The past few days have been so busy getting ready for the new school year. During the day I feel great, most days I get up and feel ready to take on a new day and have a list a mile long that I think I will accomplish! ( like everyone else)
Today I worked a little on my classroom, and went to Kansas City Cancer Center ( KCCC) to get my blood work done. All of my numbers were good. My WBC was up and my nurse said it was okay for me to be around  people ( I just have to be careful )...so that is good news. Fortunately, things are going great this week....I can get a few things done during the day before I "hit a wall" and CRASH! ( THank goodness for my wonderful friends who have been providing meals...its such a HUGE help to JD and I! )
 I am looking forward to spending some quality time with the girls the rest of the week and finishing up some school shopping.
 A week from today is my next chemo round. Last time I was nervous because I didn't know what to expect. This time, I'm nervous because I KNOW EXACTLY what to expect! By Next Tues or Wednesday, I will be adopting the phrase once again..." Sucky, Mc suck, suck!!!" This is how you know things suck bad! LOL I am trying to think of semi-sweet ways of saying that because last time I was caught off guard when the receptionist at KCCC was being nice and said, " How is your week going?" I looked at her and said, "It's HELL" on accident...LOL! I think JD was as shocked as I was... I apologized to her for that slipping through the filter! We all laughed about it, but I was kind of embarrassed for being rude. From then on I decided I would adopt some more appropriate phases for when people ask... Because  if people ask, " how are you?" and you say, "fine"....they know you are lieing! right? Ive always felt honestly is the best policy....but I figure if there is a nicer way to say, " Hey thanks for askin, things are sucking right now, but it will get better..." then Ill try that approach! :) One thing JD and I both learned my first time through, is that keeping up with my nausea meds is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. I need to take them whether I feel like I need it at the time or not, skipping them mean TROUBLE! I think our medication spreadsheet and notes will help us through this next round! ( thank goodness for spreadsheets and notes!) I know I make fun of that, but I'm so glad JD is so organized....he is the best male nurse a girl could ask for and documentation is key! :)

OUR ANNIVERSARY

Today is our 16th wedding anniversary! :)
JD and I spent the day together...took a short shopping trip and bought him a couple of hats and went to the buckle and bought me a pair of jeans! :) LOVE, LOVE , LOVE em!!! After that, we went to lunch at Smoke house BBQ. We had a really full day! Im surprised I was able to do that AND go to a good freinds's 40th b day party without " passing out:" before 9pm.I enjoyed my time with friends being out, SOOOO much! I hit my limit about 10:30 tonight. Its funny how that happens. Its like Im going along, having a great time...minding my business and BAM!!!!!*&#$%#$ LOL- I'm down for the count!!!! Totally worth it, I loved every minute of my day! Tomorrow and Sunday I will relax :) Then a busy week ahead getting the girls ready for school. I am SO GLAD that I have one more week of feeling good before my next round of chemo so I can help do the things I enjoy doing with the girls to get them ready! We did get all of their school supplies last night ! Glad we got that all done!! Well...I've hit my limit and have ignored it for the last hour. now as I finish writing this post, my eyes are trying so hard to stay open.....I cant fight it anymore!!! Good night, friends.....
Love, Love. XOXO
GINA

My first day as a "BBA"

"BBA?" Bald Bad A$$.....its really what I think of when I take my hat off!!! :) TOday was a busy day! I woke up early, ready to start my day as a BBA! When...

 I got a text from my sister saying she was having an :"ugly cry" at her desk as she read my blog! She said I was beautiful and brave.... she is proud of me...and admires me! I didnt cry about losing my hair....but as i read the text this morning to JD in bed, I cried like a baby. Not because I was sad, but I guess because knowing that makes me happy and proud....and LoVeD...Ive always known my sisters love me, but this is deeper than " Love you, sister love." being admired and looked up to by people and being told you are BrAvE, AmAZiNg, an INSpIrAtiON to others, COURAGEOUS and StRoNG....is a feeling that is hard to explain. This morning as I was crying over my sissy's message, I was trying to explain to JD ( although I needed no explanation) I told him I am confused about why people think I am Brave and inspiring....this isnt something I even onece felt like I had a choice about. I KNOW for a fact, that most people woud handle and DO HANDLE this battle exactly the way I have chosen to....(The Best Way I know how....LOL) He just simply said, " Its not what you are doing that people find admirable, it's the way you are going about it." I mean, I dont know what to think about that other than, if people feel that I am a role model and an inspiration for how I share my ups and downs with so many people....then Im honored ....truly honored! I have always thought my purpose in life was to make a difference in the lives of my students. Ive always been happy and more than content with that. BUT it's interesting to me that I have been put in this place now.....to maybe help others going through similar situations or even difficult times totally seperate from Cancer. That's pretty amazing to me. ( Everyday I am reminded when I read Facebook or talk to other people, that We all have our crosses to bare! We all just chose how we look at different situations and how we use them to better our lives in someway.)  The comments, emails, messages, quotes and cards I have received make me think everyday how I am going to spend my day and I start to think about how I handle things or apprecaite things just a little more than I might have before. My relationships are stronger....for sure and even though all of this is temporary ( I hope for Permenantly temporary) the changes in me are forever.
Love, Love.
Gina <3
A.K.A. Your friend and BBA! :) It's best if you stay on my good side, just sayin!!! LOL

My NeW "Do"

Welp, today came a little earlier than I expected, but after an all day pity party I decided today would be the day to shave my head! My head has been sore and I noticed this morning that I was pulling more hair out in the shower. SO, I got to thinkin what am I waiting for?? Why am I hanging on to two or three more days of a full head of hair? I couldnt come up with a good answer. So, we just shaved it! I did WAY better than I thought I would. JD cried a little for me....but since I have cried all day feeling sorry for myself, I wasted all my tears on stuff I had no control over. My new Do is going to take some getting used to, but I bought some new hats and scarves, and I have several others have given me. I guess I just got to the point where I am done obsessing over the hair...ready to move on from that now. :) so here are the pics I promised.

YIKES......RIGHT???

I dont really look like myself...but you have to admit, I look like I could really kick some ass! LOL

Each day off chemo I continue to get stonger, have a little more energy than the day before. For whatever reasn, today was an emotional day for me but ended pretty good all around. I am feeling good about letting go of my hair and feel like I can get some rest tonight and wake up tomorrow to a whole new day, new found strength and positive attitude!

Looking forward to seeing my good friends tomorrow!!!! I have so much to be thankful for and do not wanna waste another day feeling sorry for myself! :)

Love, Love.

Gina <3

*SUNDAY*

Well...This was a much better day! Im eating, drinking and Ive been awake most of the day! That is an accomplishment. I put some dates in my calendar today to make sure the kids get to their orientations/open houses etc. for the beginning of school. I am looking forward to feeling better ( good enough) to make it to those things with them. The start of a new year is always a fun time in our house! Getting ready for my new class and helping the kids get ready with new shoes, closthes and supplies is something I look forward to. So...Im going to take the advice of my husband and look forward to doing those things with the kids together as I get stronger these next couple of weeks.
Wonderful meals and goodies continue to amaze the sneads as many of you know....this is more homemade food than we are used to ( in a year!) lol, but we apperciate it so much! JD is a little concerned about the weight he is going to gain during all of this, but I say...enjoy it!
THanks so much for your care and concern....and thatnks for reading,
Love, Love.
Gina

Day 5 and 6

I keep thinking of ways to tell people I am doing okay, Im just not sure how to say in a positve way..." I feel better than day 4 but still feel like HELL!" I do feel better...regaining more strength each day, I just have a hard time not being able to get up and do things for myself like im used to. This too shall pass and it will get better. This week I should start feeling a little more like myself again.

Several things that have made this day a good one:
My sissy came over and brought me some new hats and scarves, Taylor helped me wash my hair in the sink and my hot male nurse gave me a bath :) I must also mention the mashed potatoes and cheezy potatoes that saved my life today! LOL....they were THAT GOOD and Ive been eating them all day ( its the little things.) I also found that adding koolaide or paower aide to the water that I gagged on everytime I took a drink has helped alot! So...Sneeder went out in search of every available flavor to add to my water and brought them home! :)

Hair Update: I still have it....I doubt for much longer. My hair hurts and i can only guess that thats not a good thing. But im ready with my new hats and scarves...its all part of it. I just have to look at it like each new thing that happens is going to bring me that much closer to the end of my treatments!!!

Tomorrow will be a better day and Monday will be better than that....so bring it on....One full week down...8 to go!

Day 4- you suck

Today was by far my worst day. Started off the morning feeling nauseous but the nurses at KCCC were able to give me some meds to help with that for most of the day. When I got home, I slept until I started feeling nauseous again...( that's the worst!) Feeling more tired and weak each day.

TMI:
I finally gave up the fight tonight and puked my guts up....LOL...and Honestly, I feel better. I also learned one positive thing about losing my hair soon...Sneeder isn't going to have to hold my hair back for long. ( poor guy).

That's enough excitement for one night....gonna hit the hay and do this again tomorrow!
 ( Last day for 2 weeks)

Love, Love.
Gina

Second Verse....Same as the First!

Day 2 was much like yesterday...only I feel a little more tired and "out of it" I keep falling asleep out of the blue...in he middle of conversations.
They sent me home with another bag of IV fluid because I am having some bladder issues from the meds. This is normal when taking these chemo drugs, but I dont really like it that much! :)
THis is abot all I can get throught...Ive alreadyfallin aleep 3 times since I have started this update

Love, Love.
Gna

Day 1

Good news is....I made it through my first day, and I am kickin cancer as we speak! I spent 7 hours in the chemo room and Im pretty sure if there was a prize for the most visits to the bathroom today, I would WIN! Geeeez I lost count! ( thats the TMI part) I have a pump attached to the pick in my arm for four days with the other chemo drug in it. Its a continuous infusion. This added one more "beauty aspect" since I am wearing the pump on a strap like a man purse. AWESOME!!! :) I mean...Im already a sight to see! LOL

On a positive note: JD and I had some belly laughs today ...and my sis came by on her lunch break to visit. The time went by fairly quickly for me ( JD might say different) and I am keeping on top of my nausea meds...so I havent felt too bad today. Im tired....but that could also be from lack of sleep last night. as we get further into the week, the nurse says I will want to sleep alot of the time Im there...so I am trying to warn my chemo companions to bring lots to do....I might not be the life of the party ( Im just sayin...) but honestly...there wasnt a real rowdy crowd in there today. So...on second thought I hope I dont get kicked out of my chemo pod for too much partying!!! LOL...

I just dont feel like I can end my post without thanking ALL of the friends and family who have checked to make sureI was ok today, and sent words of support and FB messages, emails,flowers, made phonecalls, dinner, stopped by to being me gifts ( OMG)....You guys rock!!!

Love, Love.
Gina

Here We Go!

I say WE because I am not in this alone! I want to thank everyone who offers words of support and encouragement as well as those who are my closest friends and family. You are amazing...and I do not feel worthy of all of the attention- but I am so thankful for all of you! :)

I suppose reality hit me about 8:30 this evening...out of the blue. I haven't been able to stop crying for any length of time since then. I dont like for my girls to see me cry and get upset over this...but I dont have any control over my emotions.Some days I couldn't squeeze a tear out if I had to....tonight, I was talking about an upcoming event that I might miss with friends, and it hit me. Im probably going to miss out on alot of social events that I would have otherwise been able to attend. My friends make me happy... and although I dont expect the world to stop while I am going through chemo....I'm sad that I might not be my :"fun self" for a while. ( This is the SAPPY part I warned you about ) So...I just needed a minute to feel sorry for myself. I call these pitty parties! They are few and far between, but they are necessary!

Tomorrow is DAY 1. The next few days should be my easiest....then according to my nurse, will be harder toward the end of the week. But....Im ready to start this so WE can put this behind us!
Cancer has changed me, but it does not DEFINE me. We will ge through it and be stronger for it!!!

...Here We Go!!!

Love, Love.
Gina

The Plan

Lesson of the day: If you cant get a hold of the person you want to talk to at the Dr.'s office, just SHOW UP there and tell them EXACTLY what you need and when you need it! :) Not sure what I would do without JD to take control and get things done.

I have several appointments this week to get ready to start chemo on Monday. I feel relieved because now....we have a plan! The waiting and not knowing is the hardest thing. The nurse took us in the "chemotherapy room" today and showed us around. THAT was a surreal feeling...but honestly, it was exactly what I expected except it was cheery and bright in there. ( not as scary as I thought!)


I will go to Manorah on Friday to get a catheter put in my arm for my treatments. not a big deal except that I will have a tube about 3 to 4 inches long hanging from my upper arm for the next 12 weeks! This is going to be such a nice addition to my bald head! Ive been told several times that not everyone loses their hair during chemo therapy....however, my doctor confirmed for me today...that  I WILL lose my hair! LOL....he doesn't sugar coat it!!! I appreciate that about him though!

Nobody said Cancer is pretty!

So here are the deets:

I will have 3 rounds of chemo. ( three different chemo drugs administered by an IV)  I go 5 consecutive days ( Mon - Friday) for a few hours at a time, I think...
 So basically I have three full weeks of chemo with two weeks in between each session. My Doctor said by Sept 15th, I should be all done with my treatments and on my way back to recovering from the side effects. That gives me something to focus on! :) I will not be sick and tired forever....and my hair will grow back!! That's the good news! Then, Radiation....and scans every 4 months. So pray that everything goes as planned. I'm counting on it because I have too much going for me...too much to live for to let this get me down for too long! Speaking of things to live for.....

AND.....GOODNIGHT!
 Love, Love.
Gina

Let's Do This!

Monday I will go and get my blood work done and a porta cath (sp?) so I can start my treatments asap! I'm ready to stop talking about it....and just get it started.

Its crazy the things that go through your head while you are waiting to start something like this.
First of all...you start noticing every bald person and wonder if that is what you are going to look like. I already have a plan as to how I will handle this when it happens. ( so we will see) There will be pics or video of this....so you have something to look forward to. JD has already asked if he can give me a mo hawk and get his pic with me....hey, its the least I can do!!! :) Of course, I don't know how I will REALLY feel...but I do plan to make the best of every difficult situation as I go through this process. Whats the expression? When life hands you lemons throw them at your biggest enemy???  I'm kidding...
Obviously I'm a little obsessed with this thought of losing my hair...so that will probably be the theme through out this blog :)

I'm worried about feeling sick and tired too...not sure what to expect. I know its different for everyone. But I feel great right now. Its hard to wrap my brain around a treatment that will make you sick to get you better!

When JD got home from work tonight, I told him I really want a new family picture....like, now! Of course he agreed to it because its what I want... I realize this is a strange request, and I'm not even sure why this picture is so important to me....but it is. So we are gonna do it! :)

In the meantime...We are going to spend some time with family this weekend at Joslyn's family birthday party and get ready for a busy week of world series fun with the girls! I'm sure there is going to be a little "nesting" this weekend as well, as if starting chemo its like preparing for a baby or getting all of your "ducks in a row" before returning to school after summer break. Trip to the grocery store, mow the lawn, pay the bills, clean the house.....Let's DO THIS!!!

Love, Love.
Gina

DISCLAIMER :)

Can't sleep so I decided to give this a try.
Why a blog? Well...everyone that knows me KNOWS that I am an "oversharer" by nature. I tell people everything....even things they probably don't care about. I am the TMI queen and sometimes even share information with my friends just to get a laugh out of them or to see the shock on their face. So it's a given that I would want to share my thoughts and feelings about being diagnosed with Liposarcoma ( a rare cancer of the fatty tissue) and all about my treatments and all of the serious, crazy crap that comes with it, with anyone who will listen ( or read). But if you are going to follow me....you must read the DISCLAIMER and repeat after me.... :)

Disclaimer: I _____________ will not judge Gina for what she shares, feels or misspells. I will not mention or give a second thought to 5th grade grammar rules or punctuation. :)

I also feel like before I start....I have to warn you. I am kind of a sappy person. I am "touchy feely"....warm and fuzzy. I love my family and my friends more than anything in the world and sometimes it might get a little nauseating reading this. But I started this blog with hopes that it would help me by verbalizing whatever it is that is on my mind as well as keeping those who care about me, updated! So.....here we go!

Background: On May 10th 2011 I went in to have what was thought to be a "lipoma" or benign fatty tumor removed from my hip. These are common and very rarely anything to worry about. In fact, The only reason I decided to have it removed in the first place was purely based on my vanity because I hated the way it looked in my bikini :) So I guess you could say vanity could very well have saved my life.

Long story short ( ha ha) when I went for my follow up appointment after surgery two weeks later, I was informed that I had Myxoid Liposarcoma. It's not a day I will soon forget. Getting news that you have/had cancer is a shock to say the least. I don't think anything my surgeon told me in that office sunk in at first. In fact, I remember him saying cancer several times before I "came to" and realized what he was telling me. I still think I was in denial until he mentioned the possible treatments were ANOTHER surgery and possibly chemotherapy and radiation. Yea, that's when I lost it....

So...two surgeries and what seems like a hundred  Dr.'s appointments later....here we are :) Two months have passed and today I felt like we were back to the first day I was diagnosed. I was supposed to have my planning session to begin radiation today. But instead it looks like I am going to be having chemo before the radiation. Early into this "battle" JD and I  ( my husband, biggest fan, supporter, hot- male nurse...whatever you wanna call him) have been pretty confident about the fact that chemo most likely would not be recommended as part of my treatment mainly due to information we received from my Dr.'s and what we have researched about this cancer.

Why the change? Well, I'm not sure i understand ALL of the details, but basically my cancer cells ( tissue) was sent to Children's Mercy to be studied by a genetics expert. She was looking at the "make up" of my cancer cells to determine whether or not they have the same characteristics as "round cell" ( the fast, moving...aggressive component.) Unfortunately....today I found out that my cells DO have the same proteins (???) and characteristics of round cells. With that, and the size of my original tumor, my Dr.s are recommending Chemo and then, radiation treatments. I was surprised about this.( had a short pitty party)...but truly feel like we just need to get this show on the road and DO IT!

I'm not gonna lie...I'm scared! I have seen the movies....chemo is not going to win me any beauty pageants for sure. I love my hair, Im not particularly excited about knowing what i look like without it. Thats not my only fear though....thats just me being shallow. I know it sounds silly to worry about that when you are being treated for something that could potentially kill you....but I'm nervous that I might not be strong enough to go through this without being a big baby! It's the unknown that is scary...and Im learning slowly but surely. Even though Im not looking forward to this...I do feel extremely blessed that we found this when we did and that chemo and radiation are even an option! My prognosis is good....and for that....I am thankful!

Well, Its almost 5am...Im gonna try to put my mind to rest..
Love. Love,
Gina