Well good grief! This weekend was nothing like I had planned. Friday night was my 37th birthday. I had plans to go to breakfast with friends ( which i enjoyed) to take lunch to friends at school in my grade level ( Loved it!....but wasn't feeling well at all!) Then I was hoped to enjoy a date with my husband. We did go to dinner at one of my favorite places to eat! ( BD's Mongolian BBQ) but I just couldn't make it to the movies. :( Earlier that day I had started coughing so hard I couldnt breathe. I was losing my voice, and my energy level was plummeting! so we came home watched TVin bed ( party ON!) Thank goodness my husband is okay with whatever we do....he didn't get any sleep the night before either since I was up coughing the nite before!
By Saturday morning i was so sick i could barely speak and my Temp was rising. When you are going through chemo anything above 100.5 is concerning. Every time I took mine it was higher and higher. I'm not sure what i was waiting for...but by the time it got to 101.9, I decided it was time to call the Dr. on call. He sent me to the ER concerned that my WBC count was too low. So....we headed to Menorah about 7:00pm. They did chest x rays and blood work. My blood work
Sunday, August 28, 2011
The weekend continued....
for some reason.....my last entry posted before I was done....
my blood work came back normal....and my chest x ray was clear ( thank goodness) so they gave me a breathing treatment, and some meds to open up my bronchial tubes. ( They said I have a bronchial virus, which i probably got because my immune system is compromised). So now that i am literally on 8 prescription drugs plus an inhaler. I'm starting to feel better. Today is Sunday and i slept all day. I woke up a few times drenched in sweat to use the restroom, and eat....but otherwise, I haven't left this bed! I am supposed to go in for blood work at KCCC tomorrow, so i will call in the morning to see if i should see Dr. Myron. My Temp is still running around 100.9 which is still too high. I am on an antibiotic....so my fever should be going down. I am just hoping i don't have another infection somewhere else. ( meaning maybe its not JUST the bronchial virus that is causing issues!)
Thank you for reading....one more week off of chemo!! THEN....( drum roll please) THIS PART OF MY TREATMENT will be behind me!!!
Love. Love,
Gina
my blood work came back normal....and my chest x ray was clear ( thank goodness) so they gave me a breathing treatment, and some meds to open up my bronchial tubes. ( They said I have a bronchial virus, which i probably got because my immune system is compromised). So now that i am literally on 8 prescription drugs plus an inhaler. I'm starting to feel better. Today is Sunday and i slept all day. I woke up a few times drenched in sweat to use the restroom, and eat....but otherwise, I haven't left this bed! I am supposed to go in for blood work at KCCC tomorrow, so i will call in the morning to see if i should see Dr. Myron. My Temp is still running around 100.9 which is still too high. I am on an antibiotic....so my fever should be going down. I am just hoping i don't have another infection somewhere else. ( meaning maybe its not JUST the bronchial virus that is causing issues!)
Thank you for reading....one more week off of chemo!! THEN....( drum roll please) THIS PART OF MY TREATMENT will be behind me!!!
Love. Love,
Gina
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Happy Hump Day
It's Wednesday! I am feeling so much better ( by 2pm today....I wont be worth much!) but it feels good to at least feel good for a little while today! I got up and had breakfast with Taylor and braided her hair....I was glad I got to spend that time with her this morning. Usually I dont feel like doing anything bu laying in bed occationally checking on her to make sure she is getting ready for school.
Thank goodness my kids are independent! I dont know what a young mother who has little ones whould do. They would have to have a fairy Godmother....I have more support than I can ever imagine, and I truly dont know how people get through this with little support or small kids to take care of.
Monday I went to get my blood work done. I have to admit, although I love the nurses at KCCC, when I have to go there on my off weeks, I have anxiety about being there. It more like a sick at my stomach feeling. But, the good news is my counts are up and as long as they stay up....Im doing well and when I feel good, I can get out and about once in a while. Im looking SO forward to having breakfast with my friends before they go to work on Friday morning! I miss being with them so much!
Thanks for reading and checking in on me. Things are looking up! Only one more week of chemo to go ( first week in september) and then I begin radiation soon after that! I am hoping to get about half of my radiation treatments done before I go back to work.....( Thats the plan anyway)
Thank goodness my kids are independent! I dont know what a young mother who has little ones whould do. They would have to have a fairy Godmother....I have more support than I can ever imagine, and I truly dont know how people get through this with little support or small kids to take care of.
Monday I went to get my blood work done. I have to admit, although I love the nurses at KCCC, when I have to go there on my off weeks, I have anxiety about being there. It more like a sick at my stomach feeling. But, the good news is my counts are up and as long as they stay up....Im doing well and when I feel good, I can get out and about once in a while. Im looking SO forward to having breakfast with my friends before they go to work on Friday morning! I miss being with them so much!
Thanks for reading and checking in on me. Things are looking up! Only one more week of chemo to go ( first week in september) and then I begin radiation soon after that! I am hoping to get about half of my radiation treatments done before I go back to work.....( Thats the plan anyway)
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Warning: I need to Vent
DISCLAIMER #2
To those of you looking for an enlightening, inspirational message this evening...might not find this post to be what you are looking for.
I woke up this morning once again with false hopes that I would feel good and be ready to at least lift my head up off the pillow for more than 20 to 30 minutes at a time! I was able to eat a good lunch....and then thought I might feel like getting out for a short car ride. That Failed. :(
I have been having a pity party today because JD's 20th high school reunion is tonight and I so wanted to go with him. Not only that, but he wouldn't go without me because I'm sick. I wanted to him to be able to see and reconnect with some old classmates and just have fun tonight. It's such a nice night out....and I hate that if it wasn't for THIS we would be getting ready to go out for a fun night together! So I'm feeling a little resentful! I thought getting out and taking a drive might help pass the time and make me feel better....all that did was make me feel sick.
I'm mad at myself for being the sick one. For not being able to do something fun with my girls this weekend, for being the party pooper that keeps JD from his reunion, and maybe theres a little self pity there for me too because its Saturday night, and I like to have fun ( its been a while and I miss my FUN self)
I'm just tired mainly....tired of looking in the mirror at sad, sick eyes...tired of feeling like I can smell the chemo meds on my skin, or when i cough, tired of feeling like every movement I make will make me sick, my skin and bones hurt and I'm tired of being tired. so there.
I know that I will feel better in a few days...I just haven't felt like being positive today. I remember how last time I cried for two days after treatments, so this too shall pass.I just give up on trying to control how I feel at any given moment. I don't want to be a big baby, so I am done whining. Today just isn't a good day...tomorrow I will be stronger and more positive...I promise :)
To those of you looking for an enlightening, inspirational message this evening...might not find this post to be what you are looking for.
I woke up this morning once again with false hopes that I would feel good and be ready to at least lift my head up off the pillow for more than 20 to 30 minutes at a time! I was able to eat a good lunch....and then thought I might feel like getting out for a short car ride. That Failed. :(
I have been having a pity party today because JD's 20th high school reunion is tonight and I so wanted to go with him. Not only that, but he wouldn't go without me because I'm sick. I wanted to him to be able to see and reconnect with some old classmates and just have fun tonight. It's such a nice night out....and I hate that if it wasn't for THIS we would be getting ready to go out for a fun night together! So I'm feeling a little resentful! I thought getting out and taking a drive might help pass the time and make me feel better....all that did was make me feel sick.
I'm mad at myself for being the sick one. For not being able to do something fun with my girls this weekend, for being the party pooper that keeps JD from his reunion, and maybe theres a little self pity there for me too because its Saturday night, and I like to have fun ( its been a while and I miss my FUN self)
I'm just tired mainly....tired of looking in the mirror at sad, sick eyes...tired of feeling like I can smell the chemo meds on my skin, or when i cough, tired of feeling like every movement I make will make me sick, my skin and bones hurt and I'm tired of being tired. so there.
I know that I will feel better in a few days...I just haven't felt like being positive today. I remember how last time I cried for two days after treatments, so this too shall pass.I just give up on trying to control how I feel at any given moment. I don't want to be a big baby, so I am done whining. Today just isn't a good day...tomorrow I will be stronger and more positive...I promise :)
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Sucky Mc Suck Suck
So yesterday and today were sucky....Im feeling sick and beyong exhausted. Those who know me well know I must be exrememely tired if I am having a hard time keeping my eyes open to text or email.
BUT, the good news is tomorrow is my last day of chemo for two weeks! ( Then, only ONE MORE ROUND!) Im curious when I will start radiation. I am hoping to RIGHT AFTER my chemo treatments so I can get a few sessions in before I return to school. I have a lot to look forward to...I cant wait to get to school with my new class, my great friends, and our rescheduled family summer vacation in Decemeber. Its amazing that because of all of the support I have from fmily and friends...all I have to focus on is getting better. I am so blessed and so happy Im half way done. I just want my life back. I know it willl be here sooner than I think.....
Love, Love.
Gina
BUT, the good news is tomorrow is my last day of chemo for two weeks! ( Then, only ONE MORE ROUND!) Im curious when I will start radiation. I am hoping to RIGHT AFTER my chemo treatments so I can get a few sessions in before I return to school. I have a lot to look forward to...I cant wait to get to school with my new class, my great friends, and our rescheduled family summer vacation in Decemeber. Its amazing that because of all of the support I have from fmily and friends...all I have to focus on is getting better. I am so blessed and so happy Im half way done. I just want my life back. I know it willl be here sooner than I think.....
Love, Love.
Gina
Monday, August 15, 2011
9 more days
6 down...9 to go! Today was a "good" day....it was sad for me because I wanted to be starting the school year with my cle family so bad! I got so many nice messages from friends today letting me know they were missing me, that helped!!
It was a long day....I was at KCCC from 8:30 to 4:00....so basically, an entire work day :) I slept some, and had good company, so it wasnt all bad. I'm tired and a little loopy tonight, but Im keeping up on my nausea meds....( they are my friend) I feel pretty good but I glanced in the mirror a while ago and I can tell you, I look worse than I feel! It doesnt help that I am hooked up to one of my chemo drugs AND 24hour fluids that require a pump and a big bag that I carry around on my shoulder for 4 days. Its not pretty, and I look like I am packing to go somewhere everytime I get up off the couch. I noticed last time that my eyes start to look tired even after the first day. THe thing I hate the worst is when I start to notice my eyes "look like nobody's home!" Its a weird way to describe it, but I dont feel like I look like me...I dont really like that. The good thing is that I noticed on my off week, that "look" goes away and I start to look like myself again ( minus the hair). So, I plan to push through this week and then I have two more weeks off where I can start to feel a little bit better and focus on the girls and the beginning of school. :)
THanks for reading,
Love. Love,
Gina
It was a long day....I was at KCCC from 8:30 to 4:00....so basically, an entire work day :) I slept some, and had good company, so it wasnt all bad. I'm tired and a little loopy tonight, but Im keeping up on my nausea meds....( they are my friend) I feel pretty good but I glanced in the mirror a while ago and I can tell you, I look worse than I feel! It doesnt help that I am hooked up to one of my chemo drugs AND 24hour fluids that require a pump and a big bag that I carry around on my shoulder for 4 days. Its not pretty, and I look like I am packing to go somewhere everytime I get up off the couch. I noticed last time that my eyes start to look tired even after the first day. THe thing I hate the worst is when I start to notice my eyes "look like nobody's home!" Its a weird way to describe it, but I dont feel like I look like me...I dont really like that. The good thing is that I noticed on my off week, that "look" goes away and I start to look like myself again ( minus the hair). So, I plan to push through this week and then I have two more weeks off where I can start to feel a little bit better and focus on the girls and the beginning of school. :)
THanks for reading,
Love. Love,
Gina
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Here We Go Again!
Sunday evening....While all of my friends are having anxiety about the new school year, I am frantically getting ready for my next round of chemo tomorrow. I wish I didnt obsess so much about it. I dont think its the chemo itself that I am obsessed about, its more the anticipation of things I wont feel like doing. I am nervous about the girls and JD going back to work and school and me not being well enough to help take care of things in the evenings. I know we have alot of help and support, I just always pride myself on being that mom that makes sure the girls have completed their homework, are organized and ready to go the next day. They are old enough, and very capeable of doing it themselves...I just have to let go of that for a while. If something doesnt get done....life as we know it will go on! :) Tomorrow marks the beginning of my 2nd round which will bring us that much closer to the end of this. So, here we go again! :) Thanks for reading!
Monday, August 8, 2011
Getting ready for my second round!
The past few days have been so busy getting ready for the new school year. During the day I feel great, most days I get up and feel ready to take on a new day and have a list a mile long that I think I will accomplish! ( like everyone else)
Today I worked a little on my classroom, and went to Kansas City Cancer Center ( KCCC) to get my blood work done. All of my numbers were good. My WBC was up and my nurse said it was okay for me to be around people ( I just have to be careful )...so that is good news. Fortunately, things are going great this week....I can get a few things done during the day before I "hit a wall" and CRASH! ( THank goodness for my wonderful friends who have been providing meals...its such a HUGE help to JD and I! )
I am looking forward to spending some quality time with the girls the rest of the week and finishing up some school shopping.
A week from today is my next chemo round. Last time I was nervous because I didn't know what to expect. This time, I'm nervous because I KNOW EXACTLY what to expect! By Next Tues or Wednesday, I will be adopting the phrase once again..." Sucky, Mc suck, suck!!!" This is how you know things suck bad! LOL I am trying to think of semi-sweet ways of saying that because last time I was caught off guard when the receptionist at KCCC was being nice and said, " How is your week going?" I looked at her and said, "It's HELL" on accident...LOL! I think JD was as shocked as I was... I apologized to her for that slipping through the filter! We all laughed about it, but I was kind of embarrassed for being rude. From then on I decided I would adopt some more appropriate phases for when people ask... Because if people ask, " how are you?" and you say, "fine"....they know you are lieing! right? Ive always felt honestly is the best policy....but I figure if there is a nicer way to say, " Hey thanks for askin, things are sucking right now, but it will get better..." then Ill try that approach! :) One thing JD and I both learned my first time through, is that keeping up with my nausea meds is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. I need to take them whether I feel like I need it at the time or not, skipping them mean TROUBLE! I think our medication spreadsheet and notes will help us through this next round! ( thank goodness for spreadsheets and notes!) I know I make fun of that, but I'm so glad JD is so organized....he is the best male nurse a girl could ask for and documentation is key! :)
Today I worked a little on my classroom, and went to Kansas City Cancer Center ( KCCC) to get my blood work done. All of my numbers were good. My WBC was up and my nurse said it was okay for me to be around people ( I just have to be careful )...so that is good news. Fortunately, things are going great this week....I can get a few things done during the day before I "hit a wall" and CRASH! ( THank goodness for my wonderful friends who have been providing meals...its such a HUGE help to JD and I! )
I am looking forward to spending some quality time with the girls the rest of the week and finishing up some school shopping.
A week from today is my next chemo round. Last time I was nervous because I didn't know what to expect. This time, I'm nervous because I KNOW EXACTLY what to expect! By Next Tues or Wednesday, I will be adopting the phrase once again..." Sucky, Mc suck, suck!!!" This is how you know things suck bad! LOL I am trying to think of semi-sweet ways of saying that because last time I was caught off guard when the receptionist at KCCC was being nice and said, " How is your week going?" I looked at her and said, "It's HELL" on accident...LOL! I think JD was as shocked as I was... I apologized to her for that slipping through the filter! We all laughed about it, but I was kind of embarrassed for being rude. From then on I decided I would adopt some more appropriate phases for when people ask... Because if people ask, " how are you?" and you say, "fine"....they know you are lieing! right? Ive always felt honestly is the best policy....but I figure if there is a nicer way to say, " Hey thanks for askin, things are sucking right now, but it will get better..." then Ill try that approach! :) One thing JD and I both learned my first time through, is that keeping up with my nausea meds is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. I need to take them whether I feel like I need it at the time or not, skipping them mean TROUBLE! I think our medication spreadsheet and notes will help us through this next round! ( thank goodness for spreadsheets and notes!) I know I make fun of that, but I'm so glad JD is so organized....he is the best male nurse a girl could ask for and documentation is key! :)
Friday, August 5, 2011
OUR ANNIVERSARY
Today is our 16th wedding anniversary! :)
JD and I spent the day together...took a short shopping trip and bought him a couple of hats and went to the buckle and bought me a pair of jeans! :) LOVE, LOVE , LOVE em!!! After that, we went to lunch at Smoke house BBQ. We had a really full day! Im surprised I was able to do that AND go to a good freinds's 40th b day party without " passing out:" before 9pm.I enjoyed my time with friends being out, SOOOO much! I hit my limit about 10:30 tonight. Its funny how that happens. Its like Im going along, having a great time...minding my business and BAM!!!!!*&#$%#$ LOL- I'm down for the count!!!! Totally worth it, I loved every minute of my day! Tomorrow and Sunday I will relax :) Then a busy week ahead getting the girls ready for school. I am SO GLAD that I have one more week of feeling good before my next round of chemo so I can help do the things I enjoy doing with the girls to get them ready! We did get all of their school supplies last night ! Glad we got that all done!! Well...I've hit my limit and have ignored it for the last hour. now as I finish writing this post, my eyes are trying so hard to stay open.....I cant fight it anymore!!! Good night, friends.....
Love, Love. XOXO
GINA
JD and I spent the day together...took a short shopping trip and bought him a couple of hats and went to the buckle and bought me a pair of jeans! :) LOVE, LOVE , LOVE em!!! After that, we went to lunch at Smoke house BBQ. We had a really full day! Im surprised I was able to do that AND go to a good freinds's 40th b day party without " passing out:" before 9pm.I enjoyed my time with friends being out, SOOOO much! I hit my limit about 10:30 tonight. Its funny how that happens. Its like Im going along, having a great time...minding my business and BAM!!!!!*&#$%#$ LOL- I'm down for the count!!!! Totally worth it, I loved every minute of my day! Tomorrow and Sunday I will relax :) Then a busy week ahead getting the girls ready for school. I am SO GLAD that I have one more week of feeling good before my next round of chemo so I can help do the things I enjoy doing with the girls to get them ready! We did get all of their school supplies last night ! Glad we got that all done!! Well...I've hit my limit and have ignored it for the last hour. now as I finish writing this post, my eyes are trying so hard to stay open.....I cant fight it anymore!!! Good night, friends.....
Love, Love. XOXO
GINA
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
My first day as a "BBA"
"BBA?" Bald Bad A$$.....its really what I think of when I take my hat off!!! :) TOday was a busy day! I woke up early, ready to start my day as a BBA! When...
I got a text from my sister saying she was having an :"ugly cry" at her desk as she read my blog! She said I was beautiful and brave.... she is proud of me...and admires me! I didnt cry about losing my hair....but as i read the text this morning to JD in bed, I cried like a baby. Not because I was sad, but I guess because knowing that makes me happy and proud....and LoVeD...Ive always known my sisters love me, but this is deeper than " Love you, sister love." being admired and looked up to by people and being told you are BrAvE, AmAZiNg, an INSpIrAtiON to others, COURAGEOUS and StRoNG....is a feeling that is hard to explain. This morning as I was crying over my sissy's message, I was trying to explain to JD ( although I needed no explanation) I told him I am confused about why people think I am Brave and inspiring....this isnt something I even onece felt like I had a choice about. I KNOW for a fact, that most people woud handle and DO HANDLE this battle exactly the way I have chosen to....(The Best Way I know how....LOL) He just simply said, " Its not what you are doing that people find admirable, it's the way you are going about it." I mean, I dont know what to think about that other than, if people feel that I am a role model and an inspiration for how I share my ups and downs with so many people....then Im honored ....truly honored! I have always thought my purpose in life was to make a difference in the lives of my students. Ive always been happy and more than content with that. BUT it's interesting to me that I have been put in this place now.....to maybe help others going through similar situations or even difficult times totally seperate from Cancer. That's pretty amazing to me. ( Everyday I am reminded when I read Facebook or talk to other people, that We all have our crosses to bare! We all just chose how we look at different situations and how we use them to better our lives in someway.) The comments, emails, messages, quotes and cards I have received make me think everyday how I am going to spend my day and I start to think about how I handle things or apprecaite things just a little more than I might have before. My relationships are stronger....for sure and even though all of this is temporary ( I hope for Permenantly temporary) the changes in me are forever.
Love, Love.
Gina <3
A.K.A. Your friend and BBA! :) It's best if you stay on my good side, just sayin!!! LOL
I got a text from my sister saying she was having an :"ugly cry" at her desk as she read my blog! She said I was beautiful and brave.... she is proud of me...and admires me! I didnt cry about losing my hair....but as i read the text this morning to JD in bed, I cried like a baby. Not because I was sad, but I guess because knowing that makes me happy and proud....and LoVeD...Ive always known my sisters love me, but this is deeper than " Love you, sister love." being admired and looked up to by people and being told you are BrAvE, AmAZiNg, an INSpIrAtiON to others, COURAGEOUS and StRoNG....is a feeling that is hard to explain. This morning as I was crying over my sissy's message, I was trying to explain to JD ( although I needed no explanation) I told him I am confused about why people think I am Brave and inspiring....this isnt something I even onece felt like I had a choice about. I KNOW for a fact, that most people woud handle and DO HANDLE this battle exactly the way I have chosen to....(The Best Way I know how....LOL) He just simply said, " Its not what you are doing that people find admirable, it's the way you are going about it." I mean, I dont know what to think about that other than, if people feel that I am a role model and an inspiration for how I share my ups and downs with so many people....then Im honored ....truly honored! I have always thought my purpose in life was to make a difference in the lives of my students. Ive always been happy and more than content with that. BUT it's interesting to me that I have been put in this place now.....to maybe help others going through similar situations or even difficult times totally seperate from Cancer. That's pretty amazing to me. ( Everyday I am reminded when I read Facebook or talk to other people, that We all have our crosses to bare! We all just chose how we look at different situations and how we use them to better our lives in someway.) The comments, emails, messages, quotes and cards I have received make me think everyday how I am going to spend my day and I start to think about how I handle things or apprecaite things just a little more than I might have before. My relationships are stronger....for sure and even though all of this is temporary ( I hope for Permenantly temporary) the changes in me are forever.
Love, Love.
Gina <3
A.K.A. Your friend and BBA! :) It's best if you stay on my good side, just sayin!!! LOL
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
My NeW "Do"
Welp, today came a little earlier than I expected, but after an all day pity party I decided today would be the day to shave my head! My head has been sore and I noticed this morning that I was pulling more hair out in the shower. SO, I got to thinkin what am I waiting for?? Why am I hanging on to two or three more days of a full head of hair? I couldnt come up with a good answer. So, we just shaved it! I did WAY better than I thought I would. JD cried a little for me....but since I have cried all day feeling sorry for myself, I wasted all my tears on stuff I had no control over. My new Do is going to take some getting used to, but I bought some new hats and scarves, and I have several others have given me. I guess I just got to the point where I am done obsessing over the hair...ready to move on from that now. :) so here are the pics I promised.
YIKES......RIGHT???
I dont really look like myself...but you have to admit, I look like I could really kick some ass! LOL
Each day off chemo I continue to get stonger, have a little more energy than the day before. For whatever reasn, today was an emotional day for me but ended pretty good all around. I am feeling good about letting go of my hair and feel like I can get some rest tonight and wake up tomorrow to a whole new day, new found strength and positive attitude!
Looking forward to seeing my good friends tomorrow!!!! I have so much to be thankful for and do not wanna waste another day feeling sorry for myself! :)
Love, Love.
Gina <3
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